Don't Save the Drama for Their Mama

When a boy or girl does something wrong, our first reaction is to tell the parents. I disagree and here is why...

Rumors and gossip are the two things that drive people out of church the most (and may be part of the reason teens drop our of school.) These people go to God because their out of ideas, they want hope and peace, yet the people that are supposed to hug them, pray for them and tell them everything will be ok, are the very ones throwing them under the bus and causing even more pain for them. Instead of telling others about what someone did, why not pray for that person. Want to talk to someone, talk to God.

I have heard so many terrible things that the youth from many churches have done, not just rumors, these things were told to me directly from them. From drugs, drinking to sex and cyber stuff. I've heard so many things, but I do not tell a soul. Why not? Simple..... It's no one's business!

Why do I bring up church kids? Simple, their actions are deemed as "normal" in the world, but to the church they're huge sins and let's face it Christian parents are the most sensitive. Therefore news like this could break them into tears and maybe even a heart attack. We must be cautious of what we tell the parents and HOW we tell them.

Now, imagine a 14 year old girl fakes being sick just so she can stay home while her parents go to church. She then calls her boyfriend (or some male friend) over to have sex. She admits this to me, what do I do? What would you do?

Many say to tell her parents. No, not an option. Can you imagine the heartbreak and the immence pain that family will go through? The parents were lied to and can not trust their daughter, the father will be yelling, the mother will be crying and the daughter wants nothing else but to kill herself. Her friends think shes a slut, people from her church start to talk behind her back and call her the devil child. They accuse the parents of being failures and don't know how to raise a child. The girl may even be kicked out of some churches. Do you really want to be the person responsible for causing this girl and the family that much pain and drama? I sure don't.

Part of my job as a Christian is to prevent drama from beginning and protect people. Telling the parents does nothing but cause more problems. So, then, why bother?

God placed a rainbow in the sky as a promise to Noah that a flood of that magnitude will never happen again, but There is no raimbow after every storm Telling her parents will not cause a storm, it will be more like an explosion. A terrorist type of explosion. Terrorist want to destroy lives. By telling this girls parents what she did or anyone else, you are destroying this girls life. You are an 'emotional terrorist."

What I do and all I can do is, tell the girl in the most relaxed tone "Girl you crazy! What if you get caught. You're parents would go crazy and never trust you again. Their trust may not mean anything when you have it, but when it's gone, it's a terrible feeling. Your parents left you home alone thinking you were sick because they trusted you, now they'll never leave you alone. You're going to need a chaperon just to go to the bathrooom!" There is not much I can do for her other than to give her my two cents and pray for her. I always give friends strikes. If it happens once, fine, Twice, three times, four times? Then eventually I'd have to tell her parents for her own safety. Sometimes it depends on what was done.

But why tell parents after the first strike? I've made many mistakes in my life and the very next day I'm on my knees asking God for forgiveness, sometimes in tears. Is it fair that after my emotional breakdown with God, a few weeks later someone tells my parents, which would lead to an explosion in a happy home? I wouldn't want someone to do it to me, so why would I do it to someone else? When that happens I would start to doubt God "God didn't I come to you on knees and in tear asking for forgiveness, why did you let this happen and cause me even more pain?" There, my spirituality and faith in God start to plummet and eventually leave church because of the betrayal of the person that told my parents and God for not 'protecting me."  Nothing was gained and a lot was lost. You must go with better judgement and not by instinct.

There was another time where I saw a 16 year old playing a game called "Nervous" with a 13 year old girl. Group of friends where there and they were all watching. I walked up and gave the guy the "look". He took his hands off of her thigh. Later, when I was alone with him, I told him. "Bro, her parents live only a couple of blocks away, had they driven by to pick her up and seen you. Let's just say your face would be engraved on that wall. You know its wrong to play those kind of games."  He appreciated what I said and thanked me for watching his back. Later we talked about the male "struggle" with sex and gave him tips and such on how to control those desires.

Some people ask why I hang out with teenagers. This is why. I hate to label myself but I see myself as a "mentor' to these kids. Parents, Christian and not, are clueless to what's going on. I  try to be that person in their lives that reminds them of the right thing to do. I may fail at times, but I am sure God is proud of my efforts. You may disagree with my methods (and you probably will) but let me ask you, what are you doing for the youth to help them get through life. By telling their parents what they did wrong? Trust me, that doesn't help.

Many people, not just Christians believe that the answer to the problem is to tell the parents about everything "Hey I heard your 16 year old son is smoking weed, what do you think of that?" or 'Hey, I saw your daughter making out topless with some girl on ChatRoulette!" Really? Did you take into consideration how this news may affect the parents? Not to mention how this embarrassment could lead to the teen committing suicide? Teen suicide is always on the rise. Heck every age suicide is on the rise. I believe, that the embarrassment of a past mistake is too much to bare. The thought of how out of control things can and usually do get is too much for most young people to handle, so they'd rather kill themselves than go through that drama.. Many people say that the parents must be told.  I disagree, there is no need to turn someones life upside down, cause all that pain, separation and drama to a family, just to prove a point.

For those that are Christians, Remember, God will make the person pay for their mistake/sin. The way God does it, wont hurt the entire family, just the individual. Let God take care of it. You just sit there and pray for the person daily and pray that God gives them strength and guidance.

Thoughts? Don't just sit there looking angry. I know you have something to say.